


An Itch in Time

by Icecat62



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 15:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2196516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat62/pseuds/Icecat62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny and Roy have a small problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Itch in Time

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Johnny's a Green Pen - 08/30/2001.

The tones sounded and Gage gave Roy a pained look as he set his sandwich down on his plate. Looking longingly at the meal he was leaving, he ran into the bay, took the address from Cap that had been scribbled down, then jumped into the squad. His stomach rumbled noisily as Roy followed him into the vehicle. "My thoughts exactly Junior, I'm starving." 

Strapping his helmet on, Gage frowned as he looked out the windshield. "Man, I'd like to make it through a meal one time, just one time!" 

They raced down the highway and then down several side streets, the neighborhood growing scruffy and dingy the further they went. Pulling up to an apartment complex, they grabbed their gear from their compartments and carried them up five flights of stairs. Roy huffed as they trudged their way up the narrow steps, mumbling under his breath. Why was it when the elevators were out the call always had to be on an upper floor? Why couldn't it be on the first floor? By the time they reached the landing, his heart was pounding and he was sweating like a pig. 

Opening the door, Gage stepped into a dimly lit hallway. He frowned at the trash littering the floor. He could never understand how or why people lived like this. No matter how poor his family had been when he was growing up, everything was kept spotless and clean. His mother had always said that clean didn't cost but a few cents worth of soap and some elbow grease. 

Making his way down the hall, he listened to Roy's heavy breathing. "You okay back there?" 

"Yeah...I'll live."

As they reached the apartment number that was given to them, they could see that the door was ajar. Gage pushed the door with a foot, taking a cautious step forward. "Los Angeles County Fire Department! Did some one call for paramedics?" 

A young woman bounced into the room, smiling at them. "Yeah, I did. Suzy's not feeling too good." 

She led them down a short hall and into a sparsely furnished bedroom. A woman lay curled in a fetal position on a bed with her back turned away from them. Gage and Roy quickly went over to her and set up their equipment. 

Leaning over her, Gage talked to her in a soothing voice. "Suzy, my name's Johnny and this is Roy. We're paramedics with the Los Angels County Fire Department. Your friend..." 

"My name's Rachel." 

"You're friend, Rachel says you aren't feeling all that well. Can you tell me what's wrong with you?"

Suzy looked up at him with tear filled eyes and pointed at her abdomen. "My stomach is killing me." 

"Have you eaten anything that might have made you sick?" Suzy shook her head no and moaned. "Suzy, I'm gonna' check you out. Can you lay on your back for me?"

Rachel snickered causing Gage to get flustered as he realized what she was implying. Suzy rolled on her back and shot Rachel a dirty look. 

"Uh...okay...I'm going to have to...well..." Reaching down, Gage hesitantly palpitated Suzy's abdominal area causing her to groan and pull away from him. Looking up at Roy, he frowned at the small smile his partner was wearing. Ignoring him, he got down to business. "It looks like it might be appendicitis."

They made their call to Rampart and Roy quickly grabbed an IV, giving Gage a smirk. "I'll do the IV and you can go get the stokes."

Gage shot Roy a nasty look, then smiled. "How about we let the ambulance crew come up and get her."

Roy smiled back at him. "That's not a bad idea, Junior." 

By the time the IV was set up and they had made sure that Suzy's vitals were stable, the ambulance crew stumbled their way into the apartment. Taking pity on them, Gage and DeSoto picked Suzy up, gently depositing her on the gurney and strapped her tightly in for the ride down the stairs.

Snapping shut their boxes they carried the equipment down the stairs while they followed the ambulance crew. Gage grinned at Roy who snorted as he tried to keep from laughing. Usually they were the ones struggling with the unwieldy load. Between the height and the heat they were glad to have been able to foist this duty on to someone else for a change. 

When they finally reached ground level, all four of the men were sweating. Rachel, who had followed them down the stairs, shook her head and made tsking noises as she looked pointedly at the small bit of fat protruding over Roy's belt. "I thought you guys were supposed to be in really good shape."

All four men looked back at her and then up the flight of stairs they had come down, then they looked at each other. No one said anything even though they all wanted to tell her to try and do what they had just done. 

Loading Suzy into the ambulance, Roy crawled in and the doors were shut. Suzy gave Roy an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Rachel's kind of out spoken. She's a physical fitness major." 

Roy's voice was bland. "That's nice." Looking down at himself, he frowned. He wasn't fat; he was only a few pounds overweight. He always passed his physicals and he never had any problems doing his job. As he stared at his gut he sighed. Well...maybe he did need to lose a few pounds, but it didn't mean he was out of shape. 

*******

Standing at the nurses' station, Gage guzzled down a cup of water, while Roy sipped his, savoring every cool drop. He watched as Gage crumpled his cup and tossed it angrily into a trash can. "Man that girl had some nerve saying we were out of shape! I'd like to see her carry all that stuff up and down those stairs!" He gestured at himself. "Come on Roy, do I look out of shape to you?" A nurse walked by them and smiled at Gage momentarily distracting him. When she disappeared down the hall, he turned back to Roy and resumed his rant. "See, I'm not out of shape. If I were Darla wouldn't have given me the time of day." His eyes then panned down to look at Roy's stomach. "Well...maybe she does have a point." 

Roy's mouth dropped open, then he shot Gage an irritated look. "I'm only a few pounds overweight." 

"I didn't say you were fat."

"Well you might as well have said it." 

"What do you mean by that? All I did..."

"I know what you did and I'm not fat." 

Dixie walked up to them and smiled at the pair as they bantered back and forth. To anyone else they would have appeared to be fighting. To her they looked like two brothers picking on one another.

Gage turned away from Roy and smiled at her, effectively ending the conversation with Roy before he ended up getting into deeper trouble than he already was. "Hey Dix, how's that girl we brought in?" 

Dixie looked at Roy and then at Gage, her expression serious, but her eyes held a hint of laughter in them. "That's what I needed to talk to you two about." She motioned them down the hall. They both forgot their argument and gave one another confused looks as they followed her. Pushing a door open, she ushered them in. As they entered the room, she picked up two bottles and handed them to the two confused paramedics. She tried to keep the smile from her face as she spoke. "Suzy has appendicitis. They're taking her to surgery in a few minutes." She paused for a second, letting them know that their patient was fine. 

Gage looked at the bottle in his hand then back at Dixie. "Okay, she's gonna' be fine. What's this for?" 

Dixie tried to keep her face blank. "Suzy also has pediculus humanis var corporis."

Gage stared blankly at her and Roy frowned as his brow furrowed deep in thought. "That sounds familiar."

Dixie finally smiled at him. "It should. You were in the army so you've probably had contact with it before." 

Gage frowned again. "What're you two talking about?" 

Roy shook his head. "I can't remember Dixie."

She smiled at them again. "Suzy has in laymen's term, body lice." 

Gage looked at the bottle in his hand and then at Roy and then back to Dixie as it finally sunk in. "She has...crabs?" 

Dixie smirked. "Not exactly." 

"But we didn't...I mean we never..." His voice trailed off and he looked embarrassed. 

The smile on her face never left as she looked at the two embarrassed looking men. "Johnny, you don't have to have sexual intercourse with someone to contract body lice. Close contact of any kind would be good enough."

Gage scratched absently at his arm. Roy felt his stomach beginning to itch, but he refused to scratch it. 

He looked at Gage and nodded in agreement. "She's right Johnny. One time one of the men brought it back to camp. Well, the uniforms were done, but one of the washers was broken. The water wasn't hot enough. Half the camp was infested." 

Gage made a face at him. "You've had crabs?" 

"No I didn't have crabs! I...my unit did...from the laundry." 

Gage's eyes widened in panic. "Who knows about this?!"

"So far only the ambulance crew, the emergency room staff, you two and the cleaning staff." 

Gage closed his eyes and dropped his head. "This is great, just great." Looking at Roy he frowned as he ran a hand through his hair. "Do you know what's going to happen if everyone finds out I've had crabs? I'll never be able to get another date again as long as I live!" 

Roy's eyes widened as he thought about what Joanne would think when he told her. 

"If I were you two I wouldn't worry about it. It's not exactly a topic that most people want to go gossiping about. Besides, Kel said that if word of this was spread around the hospital someone would be taking a long vacation with no pay." 

Roy smiled at Dixie. "You mean he..."

She nodded her head yes. "He treated Suzy. You two have nothing to worry about."

Gage sighed in relief, then scratched absently at his arm again. 

Dixie nodded at them both. "You need to strip down and really clean yourselves with that solution." She pointed at the bottle in Gage's hand. "In the meantime, the squad, the ambulance, the ambulance crew and everything else that Suzy came in contact with will be fumigated or treated." She handed Gage a bag. "Put your clothes in this and tie it off tightly. Got it?" 

Nodding their heads yes, they both began unbuttoning their shirts. Roy stopped undoing his shirt when he noticed that Dixie hadn't moved. Gage in the meantime had his shirt off and was stuffing it in the bag. Roy cleared his throat and gave Dixie and uneasy look. "Um...Dixie."

Gage who had peeled off his t-shirt by now stopped as he stuffed that into the bag too. He looked at Dixie who shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry guys, but I need to take your things with me and then I have to scrub down too." 

Gage looked flustered. "Uh...can't you wait outside?" 

She shook her head no. "The less contact I have with others, the better." 

Roy gave her a sheepish look. "Can you at least turn around?" 

Dixie rolled her eyes. "I hate to remind you both, but how many times have the two of you been here?" Roy was the first one to blush as he figured out what she meant. "I've seen everything, so it's no surprise to me." 

Gage gave her a pathetic look. "Please Dix?"

Rolling her eyes again, she turned away from them, smiling as she looked at the wall before her. She had intended on turning away while they undressed, but she couldn't resist teasing them.

Gage's voice was filled with relief. "Thanks Dixie." 

Quickly stripping down, they put all of their clothing in the bag and tied it off. Gage cleared his throat and held it toward Dixie. "Here." As she turned around to take the bag from him, he let out a loud squeak and dropped it to the floor and tried to cover himself with his hands. Roy followed suit. Shaking her head, she smiled at the two blushing figures as she calmly picked the bag up from the floor. "Get started, I'll be back later with some scrubs." 

They let out sighs of relief as she left the room. Gage shot Roy an indignant look as he headed back toward the small shower stall in the corner of the room. "I can't believe she did that to us!" 

Roy shrugged his shoulders and followed him. "I guess it is kind of old to her. She's probably seen a million guys." 

"Yeah but Roy, she...well...I know she's seen me before, but I was unconscious when she did. It's different when I'm awake ya' know." 

"You do have a point there Junior." 

*******

Pulling into the bay, two scrub attired paramedics tried to sneak their way back to the locker room to change into new uniforms. As they walked through the empty station they could hear the voices of the other men out in the back lot. Giving each other relieved smiles they scurried into the room and flung open their lockers. Grabbing their uniforms they struggled to put them on, praying that no one would walk in on them. Just as they finished straightening their shirts, Cap walked in the back door followed by the remainder of the crew. 

"Boy, you two were gone for some time. What was the call?"

Gage shot Roy a look, pleading for him to tell them. He wasn't very good at lying or making up stories, whereas Roy had two children and could keep a straight face during most anything. Roy gave Gage a quick nod and then told them all about their call, leaving out the little incident concerning the body lice. He then spun a tale of having to assist Dixie with a special project at Rampart. All of it was said with complete sincerity. 

Being that Roy was the one doing the talking, everyone believed him. Gage on the other hand would have been grilled about their so-called special project. When everyone left them alone in the locker room, Gage sagged against a wall in relief. "Roy, I don't know how you do it, but thanks." 

"You don't need to thank me Johnny. If I hadn't have done that, I would've been tortured just as much if not more than you." 

Gage gave Roy a confused look. "How do you figure that?" 

"Because no one would believe that I would get crabs. They'd have a field day with it. You on the other hand...well you do get around." Giving him a smile, Roy patted Gage on the shoulder before heading toward the kitchen. 

Gage sat for a second momentarily stunned, then he jumped up and ran after Roy, yelling loudly. "Now just what did you mean by that!" 

END


End file.
